


"Give me my blue blanket!!!" (The Producers AU) [A Klaine One-Shot]

by Wow_Klaine



Series: Klaine One-Shots 💖 [12]
Category: Glee, The Producers (2005)
Genre: Anderson-Hummel, Blaine - Freeform, Glee - Freeform, Klaine, Kurt - Freeform, Kurt Hummel - Freeform, M/M, References to Mel Brooks' The Producers, anderhummel, anderson - Freeform, blaine anderson - Freeform, hummel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29294049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wow_Klaine/pseuds/Wow_Klaine
Summary: The Producers AU based on the blue blanket scene. Leo is Blaine and Max is Kurt.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: Klaine One-Shots 💖 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151069





	"Give me my blue blanket!!!" (The Producers AU) [A Klaine One-Shot]

**Author's Note:**

> Look!! I'm still alive!!!
> 
> So this is an AU where Kurt is Max and Blaine is Leo. If you have never seen The Producers (2005), this will still be funny. The scene I'm copying has been linked below. Anyways enjoy!
> 
> https://youtu.be/PDgJddaRjSU

Blaine Anderson is an accountant who works for Hall and Marks. He hates his job but does it because that's what he's good at. He has secretly always wanted to be a Broadway producer but never has had the courage to stand up to his boss and tell him where he can stick it.

Kurt Hummel is a failing Broadway producer, who may or may not have committed tax fraud on his most recent show. He wanted to take a personal day, okay! Is that too much to ask?!

Blaine had come to Mr. Hummel's office to look at his accounting books. He soon noticed however that there were $2,000 that was raised for the show, but it appeared that they had never been used. So basically, tax fraud.

"Mr. Hummel, may I speak to you a minute?" Anderson said from where he was sitting at Hummel's desk.

"A minute?" Kurt asked, wandering over to the man.

"Yes..." Blaine responded in an almost question like tone.

"Just one minute?" Kurt asked again.

"Yes," Anderson said again

"Okay," Hummel said, pulling out his pocket watch.

"Well," Blaine began, "In glancing at your books-"

"GO!" Kurt yelled.

"I noticed that..." Blaine's voice trailed off, obviously confused by the other man's outburst.

"You had 58 seconds left, you've wasted 2 seconds," Kurt said, looking back and forth from the raven-haired boy to his golden pocket watch.

"Oh," he said looking worried, "you're going to time it?"

"Time is money," Kurt responded very quickly because, as he just explained, time is money.

"Um, right, well," Anderson started to pick up the pace in his speaking. He didn't want to run out of time!

"I looked at your books and the columns marked-"

"48 seconds!" Kurt called again.

"And I can't make the figures-" Blaine desperately tried to continue, but Kurt was relentless.

"48 seconds left. Hurry hurry, hurry!" Kurt started to snap his fingers in Blaine's face; as if Blaine was a waiter and Kurt wanted cheesecake. Blaine thought maybe if he got it all out quickly he could beat the clock

"There's a problem with your figures," He said, giving Hummel the TL;DR of potential tax fraud.

"Hurry, hurry hurry," Hummel kept saying. He started to wave the pocket watch in front of Blaine like he was going to hypnotize him.

"Tik, tok, tik, tok," Kurt warend.

"I cannot-"

"15 seconds!"

"I- I cannot-"

"12, 9, 8"

"If I could just have your attention-" Blaine tried one last time.

"7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" Kurt said, faster than the seconds were actually going.

"I cannot function under these conditions. You're making me extremely nervous." Blaine said, pulling something out of his pocket.

Kurt, however, started to laugh at his own practical joke. But when he looked over at Blaine, he was confused as to what the man had pulled out.

"What is that a handkerchief?" the taller boy asked.

"What this?" Blaine said, pulling the blue fabric closer to his face, "It's nothing, it's nothing."

"Well if it's nothing why can't I see it!" Kurt snatched the blue fabric away from Blaine and started to inspect it.

"MY BLANKET!" Blaine yelled, getting up from his chair at the desk.

"MY BLUE BLANKET," the shorted boy ran over so he was looking Kurt in the eyes, "GIVE ME BACK MY BLUE BLANKET! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Kurt started to get seriously worried. Did this 30-year-old man still carry around his banket? And did it really mean that much to him that he has to start screaming louder than a toddler on an airplane when it is taken from him?

"GIVE ME MY BLANKET! BLLBLLBLBLBLBBBLB!" Well, now Blaine was just making loud noises. He started gesturing with his arms to try and get the blanket back from Kurt. But it wasn't like he couldn't reach his blanket, if he wanted it so bad, the brown-haired man was only a foot away.

"GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE ME THE BLANKET!" Kurt looked back down at the blanket he was holding, then back up at the historical man in front of him.

GIVHEJF MEB THE BlANLEHFE! HHEUDSkFDHUIsuhfuiehSFHDSI! GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME! GIMMIE THE BLANKET! GIMMIE..... GIMMIE."

Kurt handed back Blaine's blanket, and he immediately put it under his chin, inhaling deeply.

"Don't panic, don't panic," Kurt said, trying to comfort this mess of a man.

"I- uh-" Blaine began, still inhaling the sent of the blanket "I'm sorry, I just don't like anyone touching my blue blanket. It's not important; a minor compulsion. I can deal with it if I want to." Kurt just nodded his head in agreement.

"But I've had it ever since I was a baby and I find it very comforting." The blanket was now wrapped around the younger boy's head, and he was wigging it behind his ears.

"I need to lie down for a minute now," Blaine said. He then collapsed on the floor.

"They come here," Kurt said to himself, "They all come here. How do they find me?"

Blaine started babbling to himself from his place on the floor.

"Hey, kid, hey," Kurt spoke, trying to get Anderson to snap out of his state, "huh, look at this." Kurt was already so fed up with the day, but his accountant having a panic attack made it so much worse.

Kurt stepped over the man with one leg so that he could get a better look at the panicking boy.

"How can I help-" Kurt was interrupted by another scream from the younger boy.

"WHAT'S WRONG?"

"You're going to jump on me," Blaine said worriedly

"What?" Kurt wasn't going to jump on the boy, he just wanted to know what was wrong.

"You're going to jump on me."

"No..."

"I know you're going to jump on me!"

"No."

"And squashed me like a bug."

"No, oh god..."

"Please don't jump on me!"

"I'M NOT GOING TO JUMP ON YOU!" Kurt, stupidly, started to jump up in down in place. He didn't jump on his partner, but it was enough to scare him shitless. "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!"

Blaine leaped up and ran for the corner of the small office, Kurt close at his heels.

"STOP IT, STOP IT!" Kurt yelled while running after the still screaming boy.

"Don't- don't touch me!"

"What's the matter now?" Kurt was wondering if there was anything right with the boy.

"I'm hysterical," Blaine answered, "I'm having hysterics. I can't stop when I get like this. I can't stop- I'm hysterical. AHHHHBHBHBHBBHBHBH" Blaine screamed again. Kurt wondered when all of this nonsense would be over.

"I can see that! Alright, alright, alright! I'm coming! take it easy!" Kurt ran over to his desk where a picture of water sat. He poured a glass and ran back over to the man in the corner.

"AHHHHHHGHHBHVHJBHJBHJHV. AHH. AHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHH." Blaine's screaming was never-ending it seemed. Kurt splashed the cup of water in the shorter boy's face. And for a moment, all was silent. Kurt thought he had solved the problem, that the accountant had finally calmed down.

"I'M WET!" Blaine yelled. Kurt then realized, they were far from over.

"I'M WET! I'M HYSTERICAL AND I'M WET!"

As a last-ditch, hail mary attempt, Hummel slapped Anderson square across the face.

"I'm in pain," Blaine stated matter of factly, "I'm in pain, I'm wet and I'm still hysterical." He started to wipe and squeal out of worry, and Kurt joined him. Whimpering because he just didn't know how to make the man stop.

"Alright, alright, what can I do? You're giving me hysterics!?" Kurt stated in a high, squeaky voice.

"You frighten me, you're too close," Blaine said, pressing his boy up against the wall, trying to get as far away from Hummel as he possibly could.

"I frighten you?" Kurt asked himself more than Blaine.

"Yes, get over there-" Anderson said, pointing at Hummel's desk, "Get over there! Sit down"

"I'm sitting, I'm sitting!" Hummel yelled, plopping himself in his desk chair.

"You still look angry!" Blaine said, recoiling back into the corner.

"I'm sorry, how's this." Kurt put a big dopey smile on his face, one that you would only ever see on a Disney character. In his personal opinion, he looked ridiculous, but it did seem to help Blaine get over his irrational fears.

Blain took a big whiff of his blanket, for courage, and smiled slightly. Kurt did look much happier now. More approachable, one would say.

"Who's my little accountant?" Kurt cooed at the younger boy, coaxing him closer to the desk, "Who's my little accountant? Are you my little accountant? Are you my little accountant?"

Blaine - still keeping a firm hold on his blanket - started wattling towards Mr. Hummel's desk.

"I am," Blaine spoke in a very small voice.

"Are you my little accountant?" This was getting existing.

"I am," Blaine said again, with more confidence than before.

"Yes, you are! Yes, you are!" It was like talking to a small puppy, and it was getting annoying.

"Well, thank you for smiling. That helped a great deal."

"Well, you know what they say, smile and the world smiles with you." Kurt laughed again, but they suddenly dropped, and he started talking to himself, "This man should be in a straight jacket."

Kurt then looked back to Blaine, "You feeling better?"

"Oh yes," Blaine replied, "thank you."

Thank god that's over.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay wow, that was so much longer than I thought it was going to be. Please message me any prompts/requests. I need them!!
> 
> -1563 words-


End file.
